"Stop Bringing Up The Past": The Black Community and the Desensitization of Our Trauma.

I have encountered many people who have went through trauma, or been through traumatic experiences at a young age, myself included. A lot of people do not understand the depth of how trauma can change a person. Let's talk about it...

Growing up in a black home, and being surrounded by black people at school etc, I have noticed the same actions as a reaction towards the trauma being done in the black home. The reactions are "Sweeping it under the rug" or "Not bringing up the past". To all you future black parents out there, sweeping it under the rug, or not talking about the past does NOT mean your child isn't thinking about it. There are so many stories from people in the Black Community who have stories about growing up in a toxic house hold, from emotional and physical abuse or both. I'm here to tell you, it is not your fault what your family did to you.

Trauma, what is it? It is a very disturbing and distressing experience, it can be life altering and make the person into who they are today, like me. I think the reason why black families swept the experiences under the rug, such as emotional and physical abuse because they do not believe in seeking therapy, and do not believe in mental health. It took me years to finally figure out that therapy is not bad, it is actually very healthy and I recommend everyone goes to a therapist at least one time before they reach the age 25, even then, still going at an older age is very healthy for your mental health. My trauma has made me into the strong person I am today, and made me realize my self worth after years of blaming myself for what I went and was going through at the time. I'm also here to say, if your family member is making you constantly feel bad about yourself, and constantly trying to hurt you, it is ok to cut them off. We get it is your family, but is that toxic and disturbed person really worth your mental health? No, no one is.

Now that we have talked about what trauma is, we can talk about recognizing it and realizing the way people act sometimes IS NOT normal. Trauma, and experiencing it, is NOT normal and no one should have to go through it, including if it is caused by another person. If you find yourself sad, and thinking about an experience that stresses you out, or make you feel bad, and it's very disturbing, you might have experienced trauma, do not beat yourself up this is why we have therapy. If you find yourself looking at something and it suddenly makes you feel sad or upset, it might be a trigger for you. My trigger is when someone records me being upset, yours could be when someone is screaming, or someone moving a type of way. I know I use to get triggered when people made sudden movements with their hands, its ok, this is why we have safe places such as therapy, or groups to talk about what you went through.

We can finally get into toxic black families and how they sweep it under the rug. I was guilt tripped into thinking I am wrong for feeling sad or bad about what happened to me, and I have heard this happened to others as well. I'm saying right now, your feelings are valid, and they just don't want to acknowledge the pain and suffering they put you through because they are like I said before, disturbed. There is no easy way to put this, but if your family member tries to justify what they did to you to make it seem like it is your fault, they are disturbed. Them family members who pick and choose when to bring up the past, are disturbed. If your family member talks trash about you to your other family member, they are disturbed. You do not owe them anything for them doing their job as a parent, this is said in the Bible (which a lot of black families use to say that you should not be "disrespectful" towards your parents). Some of the verses are, Ephesians 6:4 "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord" Colossians 3:21 "Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged" and so on. Toxic black families love to use the Bible to justify their toxicity and they love to dismiss their actions. Let me just say right now, their actions are not any better even if they use the Bible to justify it, and God does not like ugly.

Now let's talk about how families mix being "disrespectful" up with demanding basic respect. I have been disrespected and it is expected from me to respect my elders even though they can be rude and judgmental. Basic respect should be given, and if you say "I don't like the way you talk to me" it should not be taken as a sign of disresecpt. This loops me back to toxicity and mental health in the black community and how things are "Swept Under The Rug".

We have to do better for our children and our children's children, stop pushing down your pain and trauma because someone in your family dismissed it and said it doesn't matter. It does. Your thoughts, your feelings, your emotions, MATTER. Stop letting toxic people determine your lively hood. We suffer from anxiety, depression, and many more issues due to the fact that these family members who are disturbed, did not take their mental health, or our mental health seriously.

Let me know what you think!