Wanted: My Inner Child Is On The Run!

Growing up I always had a certain image of myself in my head. I was independent, and "popular" kind of like a early 2000's cliche rich white girl movie such as "Clueless" "Legally Blonde" and "Mean Girls" except I was the It girl and everyone loved me. As a child living through traumatic experiences, this image remained in my head, a woman who knew what she wanted and she got exactly that. What ever she wanted. I am 20 now, and I am exactly the person I wanted to be as a child. The "It" Girl.

I am going to give you a run down of how I healed my inner child as a 20 year old woman. Before we start take a deep breath and understand that even MY inner child is still healing.

Did you breathe? Okay good. Let's get into it.

First I want you to think of your child self. It doesn't matter what age, for me I think of my 12-13 year old self. Think about how you looked, how you felt, the day dreams you had during math class. I know I use to day dream on the bus while listening to music, at the time I was very depressed and struggled with trying to be positive. I had times where I was sucidal, and did not know how to deal with emotions the way I do now. But while I was on that bus? The bridge between school, where I was the "loud" kid who played viola, and home where I was the "problem" child, I day dreamed. For a split second between both realities I let myself dream, and think about all the places I could go, and the person I could become. I would think of myself as I say now "soooo cool". Unfortunately the dream I saw for myself was short lived, reality set in and I was back at school or back at home. I was verbally and physically abused and the image of myself would change to me not being anyone at all. I only got to day dream and escape two times throughout the day, on the morning bus, and the afternoon bus. I saw Her. Her is me. Now that I gave you plenty of time to think about how your child self looks. What were you doing? How were you feeling?

Secondly, think about the image your child self imagined your current self to be. Did you see yourself as a leader? Did you see yourself as a honor roll student? Did you see yourself at all? For me the only time I saw myself as mentioned before was 2 times a day. So for a total of 30 mins twice a day I got to day dream, and think. If you did not see yourself at all was there a feeling you had for your future self? Us as children, did you ever think about what was out in the world? If you didn't day dream did you ever think "What if?". Every child is different, but I know for a fact every child ponders, and thinks about the world before knowing the cruel reality it sometimes shows us as adults. What is the image you had for yourself before you learned these realities? Who were you to your 13 year old self?

You have the image of your child self and you have the image of who your child self imagined you to be. Are you ready for my next question?

Are you the person your child self imaged you to be right now? Have your dealt with the wall thats keeping you from being that person? What is stopping you? Is it anxiety? Depression? Family? Trauma? Or is it you simply dont believe you can be that person? Unless your child self imagine you to be a super hero with laser eyes, Im sure you can be that person.

For me, my inner child was hurting due to the lack of care for my emotions. In my head I was "the bad guy" the "problem". I still sometimes have this mindset, I still struggle with trying to be positive, knowing I am not a bad person. The wall I had to break was deciding I am no longer going to allow myself to feel that I am a bad person when I obviously am not. Think about the negative emotions you sometimes feel. What is the root? Is it self pity? Self doubt? I sometimes hear a voice in my head that no one likes me, that I ruin friendships and relationships. I still do struggle with tuning that voice out.

But let me tell you right now, the more I worked to become to person I imagined myself being as a child, the less I heard that negative voice. I spent the entire pandemic doing EXACTLY what I wanted to do, I spent my time creating a brand for myself. Serlena Rose Flowers, mental health activist, the writer, the social butterfly. Before I was a caterpillar, small, had anxiety through the roof. I was scared of becoming the person my child self imagined me to be because I was scared of the results, will people like me? What will my parents think? Will I have friends?

As the pandemic went on, I was simply working on MYSELF. I created a mental space in my head for the image I had as a child to grow. I allowed the image to run free, I started viewing life as "limitless" because it is. Your life is YOUR life. Your life is the movie you want it to be. What is stopping you? Who said you couldn't do it? I have been told so many times of the things I COULDN'T do, I did not stop to think about the thing that I CAN do. I let that self doubt roll off my shoulder and decided to let my intuition do the talking. I let my inner child free, I let her run, and she never stopped. I tapped into my passions, I created a brand for myself, I created the look I wanted for myself all from the little image I had in my head on the bus at 13. The "It Girl.

So I want you to ask yourself 3 questions.

What did you look like as a child?

What was the crazy, phenomenal, IMPOSSIBLE image your child self imagined for your current self?

What is stopping you from being that person?

Let your inner child run loose. They are just dying to play.