Freshman year at Hampton University

My freshman year was truly a year of finding myself. I became more intact with who I am as a person, along with the obstacles I have to face in order to be the best adult I can be in the future. Lets start at the beginning..

First semester: I was new to the campus, and was beyond nervous to find friends. Thoughts ran through my head: Will people like me?? Will I get a boyfriend or girlfriend?? Will I go to parties? I was scared, I wasn't sure if Hampton University was going to treat me well. By the end of freshman week I have established a friend group. I decided maybe I should join the choir, considering I was playing viola at my school and came on a music schlorship I wanted to expand my love for music. I ended up auditioning for tenor in two choirs and made both (the picture of me in the black dress is when me and the choir went on tour up and down the East coast). Me and two other people went to audition and we made it. Eventually, me and my friend group went our separate ways, perfectly normal, and I met my new friend group. They lived down the hall from me, meaning I could always run to their room if I needed something.

Homecoming (October 2019): Im going to be totally honest, homecoming for me was a movie. To all the new freshman out there who are worried about making friends, and having a good time at homecoming, fear no more, you WILL have a great time at homecoming. The party is right in front of your house, literally.

End of first semester: I decided to join tinder before homecoming, and was talking to a few people testing the waters see what I like and what I dont like. I just got out of a relationship with someone for two years (we will talk about that later) and I was ready to talk to more people again. I met a few guys some went to my school, which quickly fell apart, then I met my current boyfriend. Tinder is a great app dont let anyone tell you different, period. Fast forward to the end of the semester, me and my friends was ready to go home. I ended my first semester with a 3.5 gpa.

Second Semester: Half way through the year guys! Second semester was a true eye opener for me. After realizing I was beginning to loose myself, I felt lost, and angry. I was letting others change my mood, I decided to go to the school therapist. I went to the therapist at the beginning of the first semester, but I didn't keep track due to my lack of organization skills. I expressed how I was feeling to the therapist, I was then told I have symptoms of depression. I felt ashamed with myself, I felt that I let myself down. I did not want depression to be who I am, or be the reason why I act the way I act. I let it get the best of me for months, instant snap backs at people, feeling the anger grow in me. It felt like a cloud on top of my head, it was a big blur. I started joining things in hopes that it would change how I feel about myself, I signed up to be in the freshman fashion show. My schedule was busy, I had a 11 AM then had choir, then had health which was all the way across campus. Then it was my lunch break which usually turned into my homework/lunch break, or I took a nap. I would be lying if I said I studied during this time instead of taking a nap. I never been the study type of person, I kind of just do it. Anyway, I had class at 3:30 then right after I would go to orchestra, then after orchestra, go to another choir rehearsal , then after go to my fashion show practices, which sometimes lasted till 1 AM. I would then go back to my dorm, take a shower, and eat cup noodles with trail mix and water. I was exhausted, and stressed out, the pressure of everything was taking a toll on me. I pushed myself, something I can say I might never ever do again. While doing all of this, I learned that I can't let people get the best of me, my orchestra teacher saying Im an "average" violist. We both know that is NOT true, and no one will ever tell me different. My computer science class being terribly confusing, my attention span was trash in each class. I felt myself slipping from reality, getting lost in how busy I was, the same routine everyday. Get up, go to class, rehearsal, more class, more rehearsal. I did not give me time to sit and think, I just kept on moving. I felt alone. I completely ignored this, I kept saying "It will all be over soon". Soon being May, it was February.

End of Second Semester: As time went on, the COVID-19 virus got closer to my school, I knew we were about to go home. By the end of the week I was on a bus with my friends heading back to DC. I was sad, my freshman year was cut short. I resorted to online classes, which was a horrible transition. I was being soaked up from the stress and sadness, it wasn't till I woke up and decided, I will no longer let me sadness determine who I am. I begin to think of new ways to enhance who I am. This leads me to today, two days after I took my last exam for my freshman year of college. My grades being wayyyyy higher than I thought they would be. Im proud to say, I made it through my freshman year, and figured out a way to master my depression, and channel my energy towards something else. I learned that if I do not do what I love, I will never be truly happy. This is why I made this blog, to tell my story, this is what makes me happy.